i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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