u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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