Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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