people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
