I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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