I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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