i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
