I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
