Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
