i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
