If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
