Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
