so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
