Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
