FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
