Swine flu is the new snow day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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