hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
