i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
