super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
