just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
