I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
