I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
