I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
