Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
