So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
