Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
