so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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