she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
