Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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