and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
