Hey man sorry I got all grabby
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
