That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
