He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
