I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
