Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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