Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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