Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The Olympian is in my bed
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