nut hugger
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
