i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
