you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
