he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
