i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
