hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
