He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
