I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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