At least make sure they are 18
Why
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
