Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
