is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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