I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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