now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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