I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
