Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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